If you’re up to date with pop culture, chances are you’ve heard of love languages. This article will help you understand the five love languages and identify yours.
What Are Love Languages?
The five love languages are five different styles used to describe how people like giving and receiving love. The concept was coined by author and radio talk show host, Gary Chapman, in the 90s.
There are five love languages: physical touch, acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, and quality time.
People can have different love languages for how they prefer to give love and how they prefer to receive it. Also, anyone can have a primary and secondary love language. If you feel like you identify a little bit with all of them, remember this isn’t science and go with your intuition.
While your love languages don’t have to align with your partner’s to have a successful relationship, if you’re serious, you should make an effort to understand and provide what your partner likes. Remember: just because you’re not naturally inclined to a love language, doesn’t mean you can’t rise to the occasion to make someone feel special.
Now, let’s talk about the languages.
The love language of physical touch is just what it sounds like—people who use this love language love being touched. While, yes, this does include sex, it does also include all forms of non-sex touch as well, like hair strokes, handholding, hugs, scratches, and massages.
Oftentimes, people whose love language is physical touch will be all over their partners.
Acts of Service
People who identify with acts of service, like to do things for people and have things done for them.
This style is very varied. The services that acts of service people like can range from small gestures like bringing a glass of water from the kitchen to cooking an elaborate four-course meal. If you or your partner identify with this love language, its extra important to discuss expectations, so both of you can provide and feel provided for.
This one is the least common of all the love languages and is pretty simple: these people like to give and get gifts. Now, gifts for these people don’t necessarily need to be a new car or a designer handbag, but they do need to feel genuine. Whether you spent $5 on materials for a homemade scrapbook or $1000 on a Peloton, they need to feel that a lot of heart went into making that choice.
Words of Affirmation
This style is all about what you say, so dust off your old poetry notebook and get to work if you want to win this type over.
Words of affirmation people love praise and affirmation of your love. So that can mean simply saying “I love you” or a three-page declaration of how their presence turned your life around, gave you new hope, and helped you see the light. No amount of verbal acknowledgement is too much.
People who identify with this love language just want to spend good time together. Now, this can range from all day excursions from brunch to hiking to a museum to dinner or something simpler like Netflixing on the couch with tea and cookies.
Love languages are a great tool to help you understand how you and your partner express love. And the more you know about your love styles the better your relationship can be.
If you’re ever unsure and need a little bit of extra guidance, you can always chat with one of our Keen love and relationships advisors to get just the coaching you need.