Joyce had been with Tony for five years when she found out about his infidelities. She came for a reading after they had separated.
“We’ve got two kids; they’re still so young…I don’t know if I want to be a single mother or to deprive them of their dad. But it wasn’t like it was a one off thing! Should I forgive him?”
Greg and his wife, Lily, had been having problems for a while. Their one child was out of the nest, and they were trying to redefine themselves as a couple. He called after Lily had confessed to sleeping with a co-worker on a work trip.
“I think about all the times I could have cheated and didn’t. It seems so weak to forgive her, but I can understand it. Should we work through it or just go our separate ways?”
Liza and Blair had been together for a few months. Things were getting serious. But then Blair met a woman at a party and started a sexual texting relationship with her. They didn’t actually have a physical affair, and Liza wanted to know if she should forgive and move forward.
“Blair is a great woman. I love her…and we all have our things, I guess. I just don’t know if it’s crazy for me to forgive her. I feel like I can’t. I don’t want to find someone else, but I want a partner I can trust.”
These are just three of the literally hundreds of client stories I’ve heard about unfaithful partners. In all of these cases, you’ll notice a “Should I forgive?” theme. However, this is never the underlying question—they are really asking, “What should I do? How can I stop hurting?”
Forgiveness is a choice, but it’s one I always recommend because it frees you from carrying the hurt, and it allows you to move forward whether or not you stay together as a couple. People usually feel very conflicted when they are confronted with infidelity because they don’t know what to do. There is no right answer, but, as a psychic, I try to help my clients find forgiveness and clarity so that they don’t have to stay trapped in the misery of the betrayal.
Infidelity is a Symptom
In most cases, the infidelity is not the core issue. Instead, it is a symptom of something greater going on in the context of the relationship.
In Joyce’s case, she and Tony had never really talked about having kids—it “just happened,” twice. In fact, they hadn’t ever really decided the parameters of their commitment at all. The Tarot reading we did revealed that Joyce didn’t ever want to feel tied down. She had attracted a partner with the same commitment issues to mirror back to her. Joyce had tried, unconsciously, to counteract this within herself by having two children so that she would have to settle down. Tony’s infidelity was a symptom of the real issue in the relationship, which was denial and irresponsibility. Neither were “bad,” but they had both been in denial about what they were doing with each other. The reading suggested that to stay in the relationship would take great effort and have dubious benefits. I encouraged her to forgive but to move on. She was committed to her children, and that was enough.
For Greg and Lily, I looked at their composite astrological chart. Their relationship was clearly focused on raising a family. Once that was complete, the essence of the union seemed to have no purpose. We talked about how they might redefine their relationship to include the creation of something between them that would require joint commitment and effort, like raising a child. Without that to bond them, it seemed they would likely part ways. Lily’s infidelity was a symptom of the pain and emptiness left in the absence of their child leaving home. Greg was willing to forgive, and they decided to start a business together. The decision radically changed and energized their life together, and now they are closer than ever.
Blair’s sexting was symptomatic of her ambivalence to move into greater commitment with Liza. When I dug deeper, Liza revealed that Blair had come out as a lesbian only recently and wasn’t sure she was ready to settle down. Liza had been clear that she wasn’t playing around, and Blair had responded by doing just that—in effect, saying, “I’m still playing.” It would have been easier if the two had been able to speak honestly about it, but their relationship just didn’t have that level of communication. We discovered in Liza’s reading that she and Blair were karma mates, but the union wasn’t likely to last long-term unless they both consciously chose that path. Liza’s opportunity was to learn forgiveness and to cultivate the self-worth to believe that she deserved what she wanted: a long-term partner.
Forgiving an unfaithful partner is always the first step to moving forward, either with them or without. Forgiveness is not condoning, and it’s not necessarily forgetting either. Sometimes the transgression can open the door to greater levels of love, and sometimes it’s the green light to go! A psychic, healer, or counselor can help you get to the bottom of what is really going on so that you can forgive and then make an informed choice. There is no one right answer and no “shoulds.” Just keep your heart open and trust you will move forward in the direction that is right for you.
Do you need guidance navigating the hurt of betrayal? An advisor on Keen may be able to help you understand the deeper issues at play,and assist you in moving forward. Give yourself the support you need, and contact an advisor today.