Andora booked a session to get clarity on a relationship break up.
“I felt so sure he was the One!” she told me. “We’re soulmates, I’m sure of it! How could our relationship not last?”
We talked more about her relationship, then went into the reading to determine the nature of their soul agreement. Were they karma mates? Twin souls? Or, as she felt, soulmates?
By understanding the nature of their souls’ agreement, we could gain insight into the nature of the lessons presented by the break-up and help Andora move on.
What Is a Soulmate?
The word soulmate is used very casually in our culture, but in truth, it’s a very specific kind of agreement. Soulmates are souls who have incarnated many times together, and who “recognize” each other on a soul level. Most of us don’t have the kind of communication with our higher self/soul to understand this recognition consciously, but we do experience it as a deep comfort and familiarity with each other even when we’ve just met.
Like with karma mates, sometimes there is karma carried over from past lives that each person is trying to resolve. But there’s also learning that each soul wants to have—so that the lifetime they share is more about a joint experience rather than repayment or balancing the scales, so to speak.
I like to use the visual of a coffee bar where souls meet and come together in between lifetimes. Like meeting up with an old friend, we chat about what we want to experience in our next lifetime and agree to share that with one of our “family” of souls. It’s like choosing off the great karmic menu. What we choose may not necessarily involve shared past agreements that need to be cleaned up.
Types of Soulmates
Soulmates can be friends, lovers, family or pets. For example, a fellow colleague of mine, Jasmine, and I were in a past life together where we were both victims of the Inquisition. When we met in the “coffee bar” we decided that it would be fun to have the experience of helping each other and sharing gifts in the next life (rather than dying in a horrible execution!). We have an innate comfort and trust with each other and share tools and resources.
Another client, Chantal, has a cat named Ginger with whom she has an uncanny bond. She adopted the cat in unusual circumstances, knowing as soon as she saw him that they had to be together. The animal contributes as much to her life (or more) than some of her relationships with people. She was curious about the connection and so we looked at it in a session. Sure enough, their two souls had shared many lives. Chantal in fact had been Ginger’s familiar in a previous life, and they had been married in yet another.
These examples illustrate another feature of the soulmate relationship: they can be between animals, friends, and family, not just romantic partners. Some people believe that you can have soulmate relationships with places, wild animals, or even trees.
Aren’t Soulmates Supposed to Be Forever?
This is a common question, and one that brings us back to Andora’s dilemma. Because of movies, pop songs, and romance novels, people believe that the soulmate relationship should last forever, and be problem-free — if it doesn’t, then it isn’t a soulmate. If we look at the “lifetime” of actual souls, which don’t die, then yes, any relationship could last forever. But in terms of our human experience of another, this obviously isn’t possible.
Soulmate connections can last a lifetime, but so too can karma mates (though this is less common). It all depends on the agreement and what the two souls want to experience. And no relationship is without problems and challenges, not if it has any kind of depth.
When we looked at the agreement between Andora and her ex, Damon, I learned that Andora’s feeling that they were soulmates had been correct. And their meeting—very synchronous—with the hallmark of instant familiarity was another sign.
The reading revealed that they had come together to grow through love and the loss of that love. Andora’s soul wanted to experience the transformative power of grief and forgiveness, and Damon had volunteered, as a soulmate, to help her have that experience. Though it didn’t make sense to Andora’s heart, on a soul level she and Damon had accomplished exactly what they wanted to.
How Do I Know If Another Is A Soulmate?
As I mentioned, soulmates usually meet in a way that feels synchronistic. If you have an instant rapport, comfort, or familiarity that is another sign. Often soulmates are on a parallel life track and have uncanny similarities. Andora and Damon felt committed to a unique vision of community living, which sustained their relationship for many years. A soulmate relationship is like a harmonious chord in music: all the notes sound good together and feel connected. Even the challenges.
The bond between soulmates, be they friend, animal, or romantic, often are described as deep or rooted. Many people who don’t necessarily subscribe to the theory of past lives will say that they feel that type of connection, even though it doesn’t make sense to them.
And if soulmate relationships end, the feeling of the bond often endures, even if the two are completely cut off or separated from each other.
As human consciousness evolves and society changes, there is less need for a single romantic relationship that lasts an entire human lifetime. Many souls incarnating now are choosing to experience more personal freedom within the context of many different kinds of relationships.
Though the ending of relationships will always present some emotional challenge, from a soul perspective, that isn’t a bad thing. Growing through pain could be just the thing we ordered off the karmic menu.
Are you unsure if your relationship is one of soulmates, or some other connection? Advisors on Keen can help bring clarity to your situation.