Unless you’re an underwear model, online dating is never easy. Many of my first-time clients are concerned with the fate of their quest for love on the Internet. But although it can feel like kissing ten thousand frogs, I’ve seen countless couples who met over the Internet tie the knot, and I’m convinced that it’s one of the very best ways for singles to connect today. People who might never run into one another at a bar, gym, or office finally have a chance to meet (and maybe spark something special) thanks to online dating! I won’t pretend it’s easy as fairytale love—after all, Sleeping Beauty literally just napped until her true love showed up. What would she know about crafting an “About Me” section and taking the most appealing profile picture? But, with a little sound advice and some psychic guidance to boot, navigating a sea of suitors online doesn’t have to be such a Herculean task.
Kristen Discovers Online Dating—and Frustration
One of the most touching stories I’ve encountered started with a call from Kristen, a 34-year-old middle school biology teacher who was absolutely stymied with her online dating experience. She’d never tried a psychic before, but none of her married friends could offer much insight to the brave new world of Internet romance. Kristen’s mother, her usual support, was off the table too—“You can’t meet strangers off the interweb! That’s dangerous,” her mother intoned each time she mentioned it.
Kristen had wed her college sweetheart immediately after graduation, but their marriage disintegrated over the course of a decade. A year ago, they’d officially divorced. “It doesn’t feel all that different, being single. Except that the toilet seat is never left up.” I sensed that her humor covered a tender spot, a sense of being unlovable—although she didn’t say as much, I perceived that her ex-husband had traveled a lot, leaving her home alone, wondering if he was having affairs and feeling powerless to intervene.
She’d signed up for an online dating service, since her social network consisted mostly of already married co-workers and eighth-grade students. In just the first week after her profile went up, she’d received over a hundred messages. Plenty of people would be overjoyed to meet her, but Kristen felt paralyzed by choice. She selected one guy to write back, and they went on a date. She didn’t feel a connection and sent him a kind letter thanking him for the date, but declining any future ones—only to find a nasty response in her inbox the next day!
“I want to give this a shot, I really do. But how do I know who’s actually a jerk from their profile? I don’t mean to be cynical, but I wonder if all these men writing me really care about who I am. What if they’re just looking for, well, something else?”
We discussed her profile a bit, and I gave her some pointers to improve the quality of letters she received. The most glaring problem was that Kristen was shy in her profile. As I read it, her real personality felt evasive—I couldn’t get any sense for the charming, vivacious person I was advising. She explained that she didn’t want to say anything that would scare away Prince Charming (“What if he hates Adam Sandler movies?”), but she also wasn’t giving her potential suitors anything to start a conversation with! But if she shared more, she’d get more inspiring messages. It might even stem the tide of bland “Hey, you’re cute” replies currently crowding her inbox. As for her incredibly negative first experience going out with someone from the site, I explained that although her date had no excuse for his hurtful letter, I sensed he was taking out a longstanding frustration on her. Women tend to get a disproportionate amount of messages compared to men, and Kristen’s date snapped after one too many rejections. “You absolutely cannot let people like that stop you,” I warned. “I can feel that your next serious romance is going to be found here, but kissing a lot of frogs, who turn out to just be frogs, is part of the game.”
A Knightly Vision
I was certain that romance was rocketing towards Kristen because as she spoke, I had had a vision of a man riding a galloping horse, carrying a basket full of ribbons. He rode valiantly, but something is his movements suggested an old injury he had not yet overcome. I described my sight to Kristen, and she laughed, “So I’m looking for a lame jockey?”
“Not exactly,” I said. “There’s someone you’re supposed to meet, probably your soulmate—but he’s not here yet. He’s racing on the way, but he’s wounded and it takes time. He doesn’t even live in your city yet. Give him three months at most to arrive.”
“Why is he hurt? And what about the basket?”
“I think he’s suffered a grievous loss. As for the basket, it’s unclear. Sometimes, the meaning of such specific details only becomes apparent with time.”
When predicting the arrival of a new character in a client’s life, my visions are rarely detailed enough to advise specifics: “You ought to message Ted_7710 next Tuesday. His profile picture shows him summiting Half Dome, and though he’s put on about fifteen pounds since it was taken, you’re sure to find him very attractive and perfectly suited to your needs!” No, I usually get something like a Renoir painting. Much of my sight is hazy, but a few clear shapes emerge in sharp focus, and it’s these details that are the clues on what’s essentially a treasure hunt for the person who carries them. My clients never know what day or name to watch for—but when all the pieces fit together, the satisfaction is overwhelming.
Kristen Meets the Mysterious Rider
After our exchange, I didn’t hear from Kristen until half a year later. This time, she came bearing wonderful news: the man I foresaw had arrived. She had also discovered the purpose of the basket.
Kristen admitted that she’d actually disregarded my counsel after she hung up (I wasn’t offended, of course—most predictions are realized when my clients aren’t forcing them). She’d gone on a few unsuccessful dates, trying to be open-minded to the possibilities, when she received a message from a new-to-town software developer. He asked her if she’d show him around town, and his casual, low-pressure charm won her over instantly. Kristen learned that his name was Ryan, and he’d come from the other side of the country for a career opportunity. At least, that was what he said on their first date.
They saw each other again, and again, and on their fifth date, he invited her over to his apartment for a home-cooked meal. When she was in the bathroom, she saw a wicker basket full of spools of colored ribbon perched on the counter. Kristen remembered the reading then, and asked him about the significance of his curious decoration.
The basket belonged to his ex-wife. Kristen’s stomach twisted, thinking that she’d finally discovered Ryan’s fatal flaw that would spoil everything. Then he explained that his wife had passed away five years ago. She was an avid crafter, and he liked to keep her ribbon stock as a token of remembrance. The two of them spoke honestly for hours that night about what his last relationship meant for their potential future together. Kristen learned that Ryan had hurt for a long time, but finally felt truly ready to begin dating again. He’d moved across the continent so he could experience dating without the constant reminders of his old married life, and Kristen felt assured by the way he spoke that Ryan really was ready for a new relationship with her.
When I spoke to her, Kristen was overjoyed with her romantic situation, and impressed that my predictions had come true. As for me, clients like Kristen remind me how worthwhile this calling is.
If you’re wading into the dating pool just as she was six months ago, a combination of practical tips and psychic insight can make the difference between an interminable parade of awkward, uninspired dates and zeroing in on a meaningful connection. There’s no magic bullet for online dating, of course, but some help never hurts. Experience shows that it takes a combination of a solid profile, patience, communication skills, and something else—call it luck, magic, or intuition—to find that kindred spirit.
Is online dating a drag? KEEN advisors can help you find love you’ll say “yes!” to in the digital age.