When Your Love is at a Standstill

Are You in a Stagnant Relationship?

If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, it’s not uncommon to begin sensing a feeling of stagnation between you and your partner. Many of us are familiar with relationships going from hot-‘n’-heavy to the slightly more mundane as comfort and routine set in. It’s just the normal course of action for long term relationships. While for many of us this could be a cushy, safe and comfortable space to be in, for others, it just isn’t enough. 

Are you craving fire in your relationship? Are you missing the feeling of being desires and experiencing passion with the person you’re with? Here are some ways to recognize how, and if, you can recharge your stagnant relationship.   

If you’re asking how to possible rekindle a fire in a long-term relationship when you both work, or have family duties that take priority, or a host of other normal life circumstances, fret not. The most important thing to ask yourself first is if a relationship is worth adding some healthy fuel to. Think about the character of the person you’re with. Are they upstanding, honest, and caring? These are some of the most important characteristics you should seek in a partner. When these are there, you’ve got a good core of trust. If you’re partner isn’t sympathetic to your needs and is uncommunicative, maybe considering the alternatives is something in your best interest. If you need help determining if your relationship is worth saving, remember that Keen advisors are the perfect people to help provide insight in these most sensitive and important areas.

When your honest evaluation of your partner says they’re worth fighting for, here are some tips to recharge your romance:

1. Focus on Giving

Sometimes—well, we might argue most times—when you want something, the best way to get it is to give it. Do you want more attention in your relationship? Try giving some instead. Make your partner feel desired. Try stirring up the passion in them—they’ll be much more inclined to return the favor. Remind them that you’re thinking of them, that you find them sexy or beautiful, give them a back rub (or, if you’re feeling extra frisky… a sponge bath). Sometimes the best way to show someone the light is to be the light.  

2. Focus on Communication

Do you spend a lot of time trying read your partner’s mind? Limit the guess-work by being open and honest; it can bring you closer. “Ask your partner what he or she needs from you. Take turns. The goal is to show more and see more of each other, rather than defend the status quo,” says Meyers. The rewards run deep. Great conversation often leads to more open, loving sex, she says.

3. Focus on Adventure

Adventure could mean so many things, but essentially, it calls for you going out of your element. Travel, go somewhere new, or even opening up your relationship to additional partners perhaps, all fall under the category of adventure. Sometimes adding a spark to a relationship means adding a spark to your own routine.

4. Remember Why You’re Here

There was a time early on in your relationship when your partner could do no wrong. Remember those times? The butterflies when you saw their name pop up when they sent you a text, the thrill of anticipation for your first series of dates. Unfortunately, as time goes by, we begin noticing someone’s shortcomings and unfavorable qualities that were originally overlooked in the honeymoon phase. 

If you find yourself in this negative cycle of only focusing on the negative, know that your experience and relationship will be enhanced when you make a conscious effort to regularly remember and re-experience positive emotions, memories, and appreciation you have for the other person. Remember the good times you’ve shared, the funny memories, the romantic gestures and know that that is still the same person you’re with. Doing so will help add the fire back to the relationship that’s worth fighting for. 

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