Yolande came for an astrological reading with a desire to focus on relationships. Like many women who had reached her early forties without finding a life partner, she wanted to know why. She was frustrated, discouraged, and anxious because she wanted to have a family.
“I can never find someone to make me feel loved,” she said. “The men I’ve been with always seem to get into these power trips with me, and to make them feel ok, I give my power away. They always feel weak, though I’m attracted to how sensitive they seem.”
We looked at different parts of her chart, but it was her Venus placement that really told the story. Venus plays a crucial role in our relationships and how we both give and receive love.
Venus and Validation
Venus’ placement by sign and house can tell us a lot about how we feel validated. Having a partner who makes you feel safe, seen, and attractive is a vital component of any healthy relationship. If you know your own Venus location, you can become more conscious of what you need—deep down—to feel appreciated and loved. Venus will also show how you like to give love.
Yolande has Venus in Scorpio in the fourth house. This means that her love language is going to be emotionally and physically expressive. She needs a deep sexual connection, lots of emotional processing and interaction, and a feeling that she’s creating something intense and special with a partner—including creating a family. To feel validated, she needs to know that a partner finds her sexually attractive, will take the time for long and intimate bedroom adventures, and has the emotional capacity to hold space for her.
Scorpio is a sign associated with power—especially power that is shared in some way with another. It didn’t surprise me to see that she had power struggles in her relationships. When I asked a few more questions, Yolande revealed that her sexual appetite was too much for the men she had dated. She always found herself overpowering them emotionally, sexually, and intellectually.
Yolande told me about the significant relationships in her life and we discovered that all of them had been “soft” men. She had unconsciously been attracting this type of man in order to play out the power struggle that existed within herself. She didn’t really accept her own sexual nature and clearly felt that she needed to “tone it down” and “be more normal,” so she gravitated towards men who would validate her own judgment of her Venus in Scorpio.
I told her that the first thing she needed to do was work on accepting herself, and that she must consciously look for men who could understand her Scorpio Venus needs. Though you really can’t generalize, I recommended that she pay attention to men with a lot of Scorpio in their charts, or who had Mars in Scorpio or Taurus, or even Venus in Scorpio themselves. She needed to partner with men who understood the Scorpio energy and could both give and receive that.
Venus and Expressions of Love
Venus expresses the idea of “love languages” through the 12 signs of the zodiac. This can be tricky because if you are with someone with a very different Venus than you, you may find that the two of you don’t speak the same “language.”
In Yolande’s case, she would shower her mate with sexual attention, intense focus, and be ready to discuss any psychological aspects of the relationship. Her longest term partner had Venus in Gemini. The airy, multi-focused, light-hearted energy of Gemini just couldn’t meet up with the Scorpio. He truly cared for her, but he found her a bit intense. And in turn, she felt he was superficial. These two Venus energies just didn’t work together.
Now, Venus isn’t the only factor for relationship success in the chart. If you end up with a mate with a challenging Venus in respect to your own, you can consciously learn to understand each other’s love language. For example, Yolande’s Gemini Venus man could have taken some of that famous Gemini thirst for information and studied Tantra with her, so that he could validate her need for a deeply erotic and spiritual connection. She, in turn, could have made time for evenings in bed discussing his latest interest and paying attention to his intellect. If they’d taken time to talk about it, they may have found ways to experiment that satisfied her physical appetite and his curiosity (use your imagination!).
In another example, if a woman has Venus in Capricorn, she needs to be validated for her integrity, strength, and hard work in life. She will likely show love through acts of service and may like to receive love that way, too. If she has a Venus in Pisces partner, he will have to come down to earth and recognize her small acts of everyday love and kindness. She will also need to take time to come off her mountain top to join her mate in the watery realms of fantasy and spiritual and emotional connection. She might have to tell her partner she loves him, rather than always show it.
Venus and Seeking Comfort
Venus also shows how we find harmony and comfort. I like to say that Venus is looking for the squishy cushions in life! Now, we find comfort in different ways—not everyone wants feather pillows. Identifying what makes us feel good and comfortable is important information for our partners.
For Yolande, she found harmony through sexual connection or deep conversation. For the Gemini Venus, it would be through stimulating repartee or indulging in a mental interest. For the Pisces Venus example, it would be through sharing poetry, or going for a moonlight swim, or even relaxing by a pool. Knowing each other’s comfort needs (also influenced by the moon sign) helps keep relationships on an even keel.
If you have questions about your Venus, or the relationship aspects of your chart, call an advisor on Keen today. A professional can help you understand your innate relationship needs and assist you in navigating the sometimes-tricky terrain of love.