Have you met someone new, and you’re convinced they are your soulmate? Perhaps, they are going out of their way to shower you with affection and demonstrate through grand romantic gestures that they care for you deeply. It’s easy to get swept up in the grandiose efforts of a love bomber and ignore all the red flags because it feels so special to be loved and needed.
What is Love Bombing?
Love bombing: coming on really strong after meeting someone and trying to win their affection with grand romantic gestures. If you have just met someone and they are going above and beyond to shower you with gifts, words of affirmation, or even planning their future together with you, you may be the victim of a love bomber.
Love bombing is the delusion of love as it is not built on a solid foundation. True love is calm, and it grows over time. It requires discernment to get to know someone and see if they are the right fit for you. Often, this is overlooked by the love-bomber who is more in pursuit of attention and validation, rather than growing a secure partnership. It is a manipulation technique to gain control over your emotions.
Once a love bomber has secured the upper hand in the relationship, they will more than likely discard you, ghost, or become very distant with you. They may breadcrumb you to keep you on the hook so they still have access to you while they pursue other people.
Signs of Love Bombing
Think you might be the victim of love bombing? Here are some signs to look out for:
- They constantly communicate with you
- They are needy and clingy – they have a hard time respecting your other connections or responsibilities as they want to be around you constantly
- They disrespect your boundaries
- They pay you compliments
- They shower you with inappropriate gifts
- They listen to what you say, and they feed your opinions back to you, so you feel you are both on the same page. This is an attempt to appear as your perfect soulmate because they want to be liked and validated by you
- They mirror your behavior
- They rush the connection
- They come across as really intense
- They discuss future plans with you in the very early stages of dating such as marriage, kids, and what your house would look like. While it’s fine to discuss these topics, the love bomber will be doing it in a way that suggests you are in their ideal future
- They post you on social media in the very early stages of dating maybe even labeling you as their partner
- The desire for a commitment from you comes very early on
Narcissist Love Bombing
Love bombing is one of the many behaviors a narcissist exhibits. While it is relatively obvious to spot in romantic relationships, you may also experience this with a new friend. A narcissist has a hard time keeping healthy relationships as they desire constant attention and validation. Once they have received this from you, they will more than likely move on. They seek control. This is how they feel safe. Most narcissists associate control with love and have a hard time letting people in to see their vulnerabilities because it makes them feel out of control.
Being the recipient of love bombing can make you feel on top of the world, so when it stops, you are brought crashing back down into reality. If you feel you fall for love bombing regularly or tend to be blinded by red flags, it is important to take a closer look at your boundaries and approach to love. Often, repeated cycles of being love bombed indicate that you may have feelings of unworthiness, lack patience in growing secure connections, and haven’t established healthy boundaries for yourself.