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“I don’t know,” Sasha mused at the beginning of our session. “I love Eric. He’s just the man I’ve been waiting for. But I’m worried because he’s so much older than I am. Can we read on that?”

Yvonne had a similar issue—but on the other end of the spectrum. Her new boyfriend was younger, and she was afraid it just couldn’t last. “I’m so flattered,” she kept saying. “But what about when I’m really old, and he’s still a fairly young guy?”

It’s not unusual these days for women to have questions about appropriate age differences in their relationships. Of course, there’s no right or wrong; love lands where it lands. But by looking into specific karmic agreements, we can find out more about the nature of the relationship and how likely it is to endure and succeed.

May-December: The Older Man

There are a few ways to look into past life agreements: astrology, Akashic records, hypnosis, and plain old-fashioned psychic reading. I work with all these tools, but I decided on a straight-up psychic reading to help Sasha. I found that she and Eric had indeed spent a few lifetimes together, though never as married partners. They had met again in this incarnation to work through some left-over karma they had created as friends in a past life. The karma was now resolved, but because we have free will, Sasha decided she wanted a romantic fling with Eric—to go beyond their old friendship. Their curious souls wanted to explore, but they fell in love—and now had a significant age difference to think about. Eric was twenty years older than Sasha, and had already been married, had grown children, and was trying to figure out what to do as his sixtieth decade approached. Sasha had never been married or even lived with a man, and she wanted to have a child before it was too late. 

“Your relationship isn’t ‘fated’ in the sense that you have a contract,” I told her. “You are making it up in the moment, so whether or not you stay together is a pure choice.” I hesitated.

“There’s a ‘but,’ isn’t there?” Sasha asked.

There was. My intuition was telling me that in a few years’ time, despite the real love they shared, their age gap would be too great and they would drift apart. I knew Sasha wanted a child, and by the time they went their separate ways, she would be too old. I don’t tell my clients what to do, and I didn’t want to crush her hopes. But I had to tell her what I saw.

Sasha decided to keep dating Eric while he considered if he was open to having another child. He ultimately wasn’t, and she decided she couldn’t let go of this desire. With her free will, she chose to move forward and look for a man her age who wanted a child.

Boy Toy? The Young Lover

Yvonne’s concerns about her lover having to care for an old woman were founded in reality—Jake was 27 to her 40—but that was no reason to end the relationship. We decided to use a composite chart to look at their past life karma and present agreements. During the session, I also had a spontaneous vision of their most recent lifetime.

“You were the woman then, too, and he was a much older man that you were in an arranged marriage with. You came to love him and took amazing care of him as he declined. Now his soul wants to repay this kindness and experience the other side of the situation—and in the non-traditional way of being the younger man. He’s more than your boy toy,” I laughed. “You have a serious karmic agreement. Can you be brave enough to let it unfold?”

Yvonne didn’t know what to do. The story was resonant to her, yet she had a strong caretaker instinct still. She didn’t want to burden anyone—especially a lover. 

“I know I’m a young 40 and that I plan on staying healthy and active. It just kind of freaks me out to think that when I’m 70, he’ll be 57. I’ll have to think about it.”

Jake, on the other hand, had no qualms at all. He came to see me, too, and I could see that he deeply loved Yvonne and wanted to repay her kindness to him—by choice, not arrangement. 

Ultimately, they decided to marry and are doing great. Time will tell, but Yvonne is happy and fulfilled with her choice. The age difference always gets a few raised eyebrows, but as a Leo, she admits she loves the attention.

Fate and Free Will

Karmic agreements and contracts exist. Usually, our souls want to honor them, but free will is also real. Life is typically a dance between what we’ve chosen previous to incarnating and what we choose in the moment. 

An age difference can present specific challenges: a generation gap in terms of life goals, career, having children, and health concerns. Clients who come to me with this issue usually do have karmic agreements in place—although this isn’t the case with everyone, like Sasha. 

You must be realistic about the challenges the age gap presents while, at the same time, acknowledging present love and attraction. Every situation will be different. In the past, it was common for older men to marry younger women, and often women had to settle for their lot. Today, we have more choice than ever in who we date and marry, and as our culture and gender roles evolve, I see that all kinds of combinations are present and possible. 

So, should you worry about your age difference in a relationship? I would say no—don’t worry, but be aware. Go in with your eyes wide open, understand the karma (or not) at play, and be realistic about what might come. And then enjoy your love in the present moment. 

Is your partner older or younger than you? Curious about the karma you share? Call an advisor on Keen to illuminate the situation!