Keen Category: Love Advice
I have heard that relationships are a subtle dance between two people, but I think that some take this sentiment way too far. There seems to be a rash of men who suddenly go from warm and inviting, wanting you and the relationship; to being "unsure," "confused," and otherwise distant, pushing you away.
Sound familiar? I thought so.
The real kicker here, however, is not so much that they do it, but that we allow it. We are part of the problem (Gasp!). Men typically will take what they can get, and if they can get it without having to give back or otherwise alter their lives to make room for you and their needs, they will do that too. But this begs the question of just how they able to get so much while giving so little?
It's very frustrating to be in a relationship where it's one emotional roller coaster after another. One moment you are up, the next you are down. One moment all is right as rain and you think a corner has been turned, and then the next moment he tells you he doesn't know what he wants. Trouble is, he does know what he wants and also what he doesn't. If he wanted all of you, lock, stock and barrel, and was prepared to give as much as he took, he would have done so by now. Granted, there are exceptions to this rule, and sometimes the guy just needs a swift kick in the butt to get moving, but generally speaking, if you are busy giving to a fault and he is taking, giving more isn't going to change this pattern.
As women we are doers … if we want something, we go for it. If we see a problem, we fix it, even if it means swallowing our pride or otherwise compromising in order to keep the peace. Typically, this would be an amazing quality if employed correctly. When employed incorrectly, say for a guy who cannot seem to decide if he is in or if he is out, it ends up setting up a pattern where he feels quite free to come and go as he pleases. If you are intent on giving, you feed his intent to take. If you allow him to waltz back in through the door after going M.I.A. again, you are inviting him to leave again.
You may not like the implication of your own involvement in this cycle, but it is true nonetheless.
You do not deserve someone who is around when it's convenient for him, or when he needs something. You do not deserve someone who suddenly goes M.I.A. when you start to address the imbalance or speak of evolution between you two. You deserve someone who is going to give, as consistently and ardently as you do. If he is not doing that, then trust me, employing the same methods is not going to garner you different results.
There are ways to work the situation. You can change it by implementing changes within yourself … and if you would like more in-depth insight on how to do this, specific to your situation, you can contact me for a reading and a psychic profile of your lover. In the interim, here are a few general tips for dealing with the situation.
Do not let him call your bluff! If he goes M.I.A. or otherwise develops a case of the "confused," do not draw a line in the sand saying you will not tolerate this, only to take a few steps back when he does it again, redraw the line and expect him to take you seriously this time. He won't, and rightfully so. If he can get away with this behavior without recourse, he will continue to do it.
Do not give to a fault. A good rule of thumb in any relationship is never to give more than you get. If he can barely muster a two-sentence reply to an email, do not send him a tome. If he takes a couple of days to return your message, do not feel obligated to respond to his call by picking up on the first ring, or even the second or third – which is a good lead into…
Do not be readily available to him all the time! This is especially true for when he decides to grace you with his presence after ripping the rug out from under you. You should not feel obligated to take his communication immediately. He should not be sitting back confidently feeling that you are still there, waiting, frantically waiting for his call or to show up. That arrogance and lack of genuine fear of losing you actually fuels his behavior.
It is one thing to compromise, it's another thing to compromise yourself. You can sit back and take all of this back and forth, hot and cold conduct on the chin, but in the end you will end up bruised and mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. Never place a relationship with another above the one you have with yourself. If you are not being treated with respect and fairness, do not sit back and take it! You have to be your own advocate.
If you find that your relationship is taking similar twists and turns such as those described here, feel free to send me an email. I would love the chance to take a look into your relationship and do a profile to help you navigate the situation. Remember … a reading should not just predict what you want to hear. Your reader should be able to provide you with tools and insights that guide you, enabling you to empower yourself, and that also bring about a path that suits your needs.