“Being hooked” on love and on someone who brings joy and dignity into your life is a powerful experience. Being hooked on someone that isn’t good for you is a disempowering experience. However, it can be very difficult to get “unhooked” and move on to a new path of empowerment.
There are five reasons why we become ensnared and then hooked on the wrong person. At the root of all five reasons is control:
- Control through Power
- Control through Weakness
- Control through Servitude
- Control through Guilt
- Control through Jealousy
You can get hooked when someone asserts power over you. This is not power that is used in a positive way, such as to support you or steer you towards your life aspirations. This is a power that is used to control you in ways that prevent you from being your own best self. It also serves to prevent you from having an equal share of power in the relationship.
Control comes though exploiting a weakness that you have within yourself. Perhaps you’ve shared a secret or revealed a particular vulnerability related to something difficult from your past. This person, instead of bolstering, supporting and helping you to grow stronger, exploits this tender area. Your soft spot is used to keep you vulnerable and in a place of weakness within the relationship.
There is nothing wrong with being nurturing. There is nothing wrong with loving your man and treating him like a king in his castle. The problem is when your efforts are not appreciated or reciprocated. You might be serving a king who does not deserve to be the head of the household. Is your man pressuring you into a role of servitude out of a sense of entitlement? Is he demanding that you serve him without giving anything of himself in return?
Your partner may use guilt to keep you involved in a relationship. This keeps you downtrodden emotionally in a relationship that is ultimately bad for you. Someone that manipulates your nurturing kindness to keep you hooked in an unloving relationship is not someone who truly loves you.
Jealousy is a game one plays to keep you hooked by toying with your emotions and making you think that someone else wants what you have. The partner who manipulates your feelings in this way does it purposefully to control you and keep you hooked in a relationship.
Don’t stay hooked – Don’t stay controlled – Take back your own power and unhook yourself from someone who is controlling you. Free yourself for someone who will love and respect you in the manner you deserve.
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