The Relationship “Quick Fix”

We live in a culture that depends on the quick fix to address all of our problems. We have pills to instantly get rid of headaches and other ailments, drive-through restaurants to satiate hunger, and instant gratification on the Internet to fulfill relationship needs.

Many of us are looking for a relationship quick fix. How can I change my partner? How can I make him or her call more? How can I make this person step up and do more in our relationship?

But are you willing to put in the effort and establish boundaries to create the relationship you expect? Are you willing to figure out what you want and to not settle for less? Or are you waiting for a magical quick fix?

Most of us have difficulty with change. We become comfortable doing things the same way and have to be very motivated to break patterns we establish in our relationships. To truly achieve change, though, one needs to avoid drama and follow through with intentions and decisions.

For example, there is no point in issuing ultimatums that aren’t going to be kept. Telling someone to never call again, and then expecting and always accepting his or her phone calls, will not change the other person’s behavior.

There is no point in saying harsh words with no follow-through and then wonder why the other person still behaves in a thoughtless manner. Your partner has learned that your words don’t mean anything.

If you continue to be intimate even though your mate doesn’t call or does not step up and treat you in a special way, then why would he or she suddenly be motivated to call or change their treatment of you? When you tacitly accept their behavior, they will not be motivated to do more. A quick fix will not occur if the behavior has been accepted, even if you grumble or complain about it.

Compare your relationship with the workplace. If an employee is getting away with only doing two hours of work and getting paid for eight hours, why would that person then step up and do more?

Do not let fear rule your actions regarding lapses in the behavior of your partner. Determination is necessary for the other person to know that you mean business in your relationship. There is no quick relationship fix; it takes time, it takes work, and it takes saying what you mean and meaning what you say.

Is that easy? No! Is change what you really want and worth the effort? Only you can answer that question when you step up and not settle for less.

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