“I need to know about my relationship karma—or what I’m supposed to be doing,” Katrin said. “I’ve been in a few relationships, some monogamous, but recently I’ve gotten involved in a poly situation. I think it might be better for me, but I still feel a little insecure. Can you help me?”
Polyamorous relationships take many forms, and the terminology can be confusing. Some people experienced with multiple partners assert that “polyamory” is a term for playing around without a high level of emotional consciousness, while they practice what is called “committed non-monogamy.” Others will say that polyamory includes anything from playing the field to having an open marriage. Regardless of semantics, having multiple partners is something many of my clients—especially younger ones—are exploring. It’s unfamiliar territory, and not everyone is suited for it, but aspects of your astrological chart can help you see if a poly relationship can be secure and jealousy free for you.
The Moon: Can You Be Secure?
The moon in our chart governs our deepest emotional needs and sense of security. Since emotions are a big part of all relationships, it’s the first factor to look at when considering polyamory. Katrin’s moon is in Sagittarius, a sign that can go either way with multiple partners. One the one hand, Katrin needs freedom and fellowship to feel emotionally secure, but she’s more emotionally adventurous than some and also less attached. Based on her moon, she would benefit from a poly situation if there was also philosophical or spiritual growth—for all the partners.
I have another client with her moon in Scorpio, and she has enjoyed some threesomes, but only if she is calling the shots. Scorpio is the most sexually adventurous in some ways, but the potential for jealousy and power/control issues are too likely for this to be a good long-term choice. This client is comfortable with all kinds of sexual expression but can’t live them all day-to-day.
The moon in Leo, Capricorn, Taurus, Aries, Cancer, Libra, Pisces…all these signs will feel spun out, unseen, jealous, scandalized, hurt, or just plain exhausted by the emotional complexity that accompanies most polyamorous relationships. There are very few Moons that are suited to poly situations in our culture, as most of us have no positive modeling or frame of reference for how to deal with them. However, Gemini and Aquarius moons will be the most emotionally secure with polyamory. Virgo may be fine if it’s a well organized and spiritually based situation, although the individual(s) would need to cultivate a fairly high level of consciousness to make this really work.
By considering the placement of the moon in your chart, in combination with Venus and Mars, you’ll get more clues as to how a polyamorous relationship may affect you.
Venus: Can You Feel Seen & Validated?
The placement of Venus in our charts show how we express femininity and feel validated. Katrin has Venus in Sagittarius, too. Again, freedom and horizon broadening experiences will make her feel strong in her feminine aspect. Her openness to polyamory in the first place is a result of her Venus and moon in Sagittarius. In her mind, it might be a place to grow and expand, even if she doesn’t choose it as a long-term lifestyle.
Venus in Gemini, Aquarius, and, in some specific contexts, Virgo, can all be supportive to feeling happy in a polyamorous relationship. Venus in Taurus, Scorpio, and Pisces might be curious, but again, unless there is extraordinary trust, these signs will feel more jealousy, victimization, or insecurity with multiple partners—especially if they don’t have a primary relationship with boundaries and rules.
Venus in Capricorn, Libra, Aries, Leo, and Cancer just won’t feel validated or able to function with more than one partner, although Aries might enjoy a casual, non-committed encounter once in awhile.
Mars: Can You Feel Sexually Fulfilled?
Mars shows our sexual needs, which is what often drives people to explore polyamory in the first place. Katrin’s Mars was in Pisces. Sexually, Pisces wants to merge with partners, experience everything, feel no boundaries, and, if possible, have a Divine experience in the process. This is a compatible placement for poly situations, but the shadow of Pisces is to become victimized, co-dependent, or lost in the other. In Katrin’s case, her Venus and moon made this less of a danger, but I advised her that it was still something to look out for.
Mars in Gemini, Aquarius, Sagittarius, and Scorpio might all be satisfied sexually with polyamory. Taurus and Aries will find it too much effort, while Leo is too likely to fall into shadow drama unless they are in control—I have one client who is a dominatrix and has Mars in Leo. Mars in Capricorn or Virgo may find the whole thing too messy, and Cancer will need all situations to be nurturing and loving—so not the casual playing-the-field sort of situation. Mars in Libra might be intellectually interested in it but find the actual expression takes too much balancing.
Katrin’s personal combination of planets suggested that she could experience growth, security, and freedom in a polyamorous situation if she chose wisely, combining with people with whom she had a deep spiritual sympathy. Her Sun was in Aquarius as well, so the experience of something unconventional also was appealing on an essential level. Katrin took this information to heart and made some shifts in the relationship so they were more aligned with her values. Now, she feels comfortable, fulfilled, and content with her situation.
Not everyone is wired for polyamory, especially since it is not our cultural norm and carries a lot of societal baggage that overlays our personality. We may find it fascinating, but a good look at your astrological chart can help you see if it would also make you truly happy. The choice is always up to you ultimately, but a spiritual advisor can help you guide you in making the relationship choices that will serve you best.
Any relationship questions can be unpacked with the help of an advisor on Keen. Call today and unlock the keys to your best relationship dynamic.